Cat?

“This is so degrading, no, humiliating, I can't believe that you are making me do this!”

“Hoh? And how do you think I feel? You think I like putting this on you? To have to strap you into that thing and put a leash on you?”

“Tsk, this is so weird. “

“You're telling me – you're not the one talking to your damned cat.”

Maybe this exact scene won't be replicated, but I can almost promise that something like it will. We got a pet cat today. Ah small lovely thing of indiscernible lineage, Hera, named after the roman goddess of home and hearth has now moved in with us. Fitting for an indoors cat, don't you agree? It'll be nice to have a cat around. They're tidy creatures, keep to themselves most of the time and certainly aren't dependent on humans the same way dogs are. But I still prefer dogs. :P

Got word from the studies counselor at the department of Nordic languages, and I'm green to go on my bachelor thesis, and I've decided to write the it, just to get it done.

Bad news on the work application-front. For the longest time I was the only applicant, but as of Friday another five have also applied for the position, and most of them are significantly more qualified than me.
So things are looking a bit dark at the moment. But I'm actually kind of ok with that. I've come to realize that I don't really enjoy working at that place and as such I would probably to a lot better if I tried to get another job – even if it mean joining one of those fucking HR-companies. Academic work i supposed to be one of the good ones I hear.... hurgh, I feel nauseous.
Either way I have faith that things will work out for the best. If I don't get that job, I go free from the a company I think sort of badly of and a workplace that's ok on good days and horribly incompatible with me on bad days. Plus I would get more time to do what I want, keep my social life and hopefully boost my writing career.... But that's hypothetical.
If I DO get it.. then I have a secure income for the upcoming seven months, which would also be terrific... planned/regular income is quite relaxing since it allows for a more flexible budget. But then again.. to keep working at that place.. I don't know. It doesn't feel that attractive. I want something better, more fulfilling, and more rewarding, both in terms of remuneration and psychological well-being.

“If you're looking for a disappointment,
you will find one around every corner”
- Garbage, tell me where it hurts

Grand theft normal boring life

I don't like my workshop, my work room, or what the hell I ought to call it. That's a problem. It feels like a prison cell. Small, cramped and gray. I can't concentrate in there. I've been sitting in the living room most of the week, I've actually got some writing done, mostly blogposts, not that any of them will be getting published (yet) since most of them need polish and more critically, endings. The conclusion that I've come to is that it is always better to write even just one word that to leave the paper empty. Old news really, but this time around the meaning sunk in.

It has been a slow, but comfy week. My CoLW (Co-Law Wife, which is the proper English word for “sambo”, our British neighbor Ian told me once) has been away on a charity trip since Tuesday and while I do miss her, it has been nice to get some time on my own. So this coming school year should work out perfectly then?... Maybe.. I have some doubts about it, but let's just wait and see how it goes, shall we?

Speaking of school, I really ought to take care of business with trying to sign up for my bachelor thesis or at least try to sign on some courses for this semester, but I find my will to act lacking. I just can't be arsed to care, and re-entering the academic world isn't that appealing. Too much facade, a lot of air inside. A lot of stale air.. A lot of stale air full of mildewy values. Oh bugger me, I'll get to it eventually – got to study to keep the flat I live in. I'm still having trouble deciding if I should go for the bachelor thesis or try to sign in on Basic English. Both choices are “good”. The bachelor thesis would give me more time to write/read/paint and whatnot, and would probably work seamlessly with the evening-shift job I'm rather certain that I'll get hired for. On the other hand, the English course would be FUN to read, something I'm fairly sure that the Bachelor thesis wouldn't be... D'oh well, Pay your fucking dues. At the time of re-writing (saturday) I'm waiting for a response about the Bachelor thesis. Wait N see.

Work has been kind of slow too. I have been working 06-11 every day. Sweden is still just waking up from its summer-hibernation, so the volumes have not increased that much.. yet. Next week will be a bitch if one believes the forecast. No one does. Oh well, it's a blue-collar-life. The other kids(please note that I refer to the people at work as “the kids” since many of them make me feel like I'm talking to children or at least very young persons.) at work are still kind of apprehensive towards me, which I do understand since I guess that none of them are used to having someone like me around – for good or ill. Other that it might compromise my chance of getting that job I applied for, I don't really care. Streamers find me strange – how surprising.

On the more fun part of life. There's been a considerable upswing in the airsoft-part of my hobbies. I like it. It's fun, it reminds me of when me and my.... friends played war when we were kids, only now we shoot real projectiles at each other. There's a post about airsoft and airsoft play coming up, so I'll just note that I'm putting more of my time into this hobby now.
I spent most of this saturday painting a trollkin champion kithkar. The result feels damn disappointing considering how long I spent painting the thing... But it's mostly metal colors and I've never been good at using those. They're boring and usually look like shit. Thus far it looks decent enough for a gaming piece, but I'm not satisfied with it. Bah. The rest of the unit will probably be a bit more fun since they're not covered in armor in the same way the kithkar is.

The upcoming week promises: a fuckload of work; wrestling academic people for a late admission; separation from my lovely love as she'll start attending her school next sunday; a CQB airsoft game at Tjärnan next saturday.. So... One good thing coming up then.




Swell.

Done, and done.

So.. There.. I'm Finally done painting the last of Lovefictions HeroQuest gaming pieces. All of them painted, sealed and put away pending packaging. It has been fun, it has at times very frustrating, I've learned a lot, but most important of all - I kept the promise that I would paint them. This promise is the main reason why I didn't scrap the project - my motivation certainly screamed for mercy many times along the way. But I don't break my word, simple as that.

Remember that: People who don't keep their promises aren't worth the air they breathe.

It would be quite a stretch if I said that I’m satisfied with all of them, but plastics don’t allow do-overs, so they get to stay imperfect… On the whole this project have been a failure when one considers the amount of time that have passed since I first got the objects in my hands to when I dusted the final sealant onto them. Other things got in the way, I had to prioritize other things.. I forgot about it completely at times; I started other projects (since I had forgotten about it or because it bored me and I didn’t have a timetable nor heard any complaints – young and stupid? Check. Unprofessional? Absolutely. And no, I’m not proud of it). Then came a time when I felt that I just had to suck it up and get it done. And now it is.

They’re hardly my best work, and I really don’t think that my efforts show on the finished models, which is frustrating since I didn’t take any shortcuts. As I mentioned in an earlier post, it’s difficult to paint poorly detailed models. But they still look (a lot) better now than they did unpainted. No doubt about it.


Now.. Where did I put my airbrush?

Gaining ground

I actually made it through an entire evening-long social encounter with normals without feeling like an idiot a single time. Sure, I'm sure that I made people as uncomfortable as I always seem to do - but I didn't feel like an idiot.

It's marvellous what difference a conscious choice of attitude can make.

I've been feeling quite positive today. It's a nice change.

A perfect moment

Yesterday afternoon I stood on the sidewalk next to Flogsta radhus and looked out across the valley. There was a few people out, a couple of runners like myself, an older couple walking their dogs and some students biking in towards town. Barely a cloud on the sky, just the sinking sun, bathing everything in it’s golden light. A flight of swans passed overhead, their wings catching the twilight, looking like they were burning. Made me think of the wings of vengeful angels. A warmish breeze blew. My eyes almost watered at the sight and feeling of it all, such a tremendous beauty.

It was – wonderful, it’s the only word I can use to describe it.

A perfect moment. And what’s best of it all. I was alone. Ergo no one else around to take the shine off it, nobody to cheapen it.

Just a moment of stillness and peace, of faith and contentment - a rare gem in these modern times.

Bad habits

Bad writing habits that is. When I started this blog, I had the simple goal of writing three times a week. That didn’t hold up that well, did it? To my defence I could say that last week was hectic and a blooh blooh blooh – nobody wants to hear an excuse, what we want to see is results, nicht wahr? Oh well, I’ll try to be a bit more disciplined and focused for the rest of this week.

Since it is mostly the focus that has let me down this week, I’ve been painting miniatures for Lovefiction, a job that should have been finished a long time ago, but I must confess, I’ve had other priorities. Now the ball is finally rolling again and the minis are coming along… pretty nicely. I had forgotten how difficult it is to paint low-detail miniatures. High-detail minis usually paint themselves to an extent since you can usually use washes (thinned paints) to make the details stand out, but with low detail miniatures one does not have that luxury since it is common that one has to actually paint details that aren’t there. Not that I’ve been that hoity-toity with these, at least not yet. I haven’t really decided how much detail I’m going to paint. On one hand, there’s the “painters pride”-aspect that “demands” that I really do my very best with each and every mini, and on the other hand there’s the “O My Yod, there’s 20-something of them and I’m not even getting paid”-aspect that tells me to just dip them and be done with it. I’ll probably go with more of the first than the latter, but as it is now, it won’t be super-top-notch-work, I need better looking miniatures to feel that the effort is actually worth it. Pride in ones work is one thing, but I’ve got other things to do too.

Currently I’m developing four different ideas, two novels and two short…. Novels I guess. I’m still in the brainstorming stage of all four, but I’m working on it, y’know. I haven’t been that disciplined, have barely written 2 pages, this week, but it’s the first week since my last exam, so I’ve let myself to take it easy and rest for a bit. And paint, of course :D.

No Diamonds

“So maybe I’ll call if I get bored”.



Thanks. A lot. I feel special.



Whatever.



I know – it’s my own fault, expecting too much of people.



Such a…



I can’t help feeling this anger, but really, what’s the point?



Nothing helps.