Har kommit in på slutsträckan på min C-uppsats nu – Jag har en del av diskussionen kvar, det rör sig om ett par sidor nytt material, och en omstrukturering av utvalda delar. Det är förbaskat frustrerande, då det går trögt att skriva fram materialet.
Drömde att jag blev jagad genom ett stort snabbköp inatt. Den som jagade mig var en fet man från en tidigare del av mitt liv. Jag kan inte säga varför min plågoande tog dennes form. Han fick tag på mig så småningom, och spöade mig fullkomligt, action movie-style, kastade mig genom varuhyllor, slängde mig hit och dit, sparkade och slog mig blodig. Ovisshet inför en obeveklig fiende, jomenvisst, nog är han min uppsats allt. Men jag gav mig inte i alla fall – Det sista som hände innan jag vaknade var att jag försökte vrida bort hans fot som höll på krossa min bröstkorg, och jag skrek mellan splittrade, blodiga tänder att han skulle låta mig vara. Så ännu har inte glöden gått ur mig. Men fan vet att jag är less på det här. Jag vill ha tillbaka mitt liv. Det ligger inte riktigt för mig att lägga sex till tio timmar per dag på något som jag i grund och botten är likgiltig inför. Något jag bara gör för att någon någonstans bestämt att man måste göra det för att få en bit papper som säger att man har varit en duktig apa. Tala om bortkastad tid.
Men ja, snart är den klar, det kompletta utkastet ska skickas till handledaren på tisdag, därefter borde det inte vara speciellt mycket kvar att göra innan den i alla fall är i sådant skick att den blir godkänd. I nuläget siktar jag inte på något högre betyg. Ämnet jag studerar har visat sig vara i svåraste laget, och min metod var förmodligen inte den lämpligaste för att studera ämnet. Men vad gör man, det som är gjort är gjort, och deadline är för nära för det ska gå att göra någon större förändring på något område. Det är rätt skönt på sitt sätt. Skriv klart, skicka in, skriv om, skicka in. Borde vara enkelt nog, kan man tycka.
För saker och ting går ofta som planerat. Eller hur?
fredag 3 december 2010
tisdag 19 oktober 2010
En lugn kväll
Vissa kvällar bara har "det". Det där lilla extra som verkligen får en att känna att livet är värt och leva. Jag hade suttit och brottats med min C-uppsats hela dagen. Lagom slut i huvudet och lagom seg efter middagen bestämde jag mig för att ta en promenad.
Det utspridda duggregnet var välkomnande och vinden blåste ljum. Jag gick min vanliga vända runt Flogsta. De fuktiga gatorna blänkte i det gulaktiga skenet från gatlamporna, vattenpussarna skimrade som guld. Lite folk rörde sig på gångvägarna, mest motionärer. Några bilar drog förbi.
Uppsatsen harvade i bakskallen de första fyra-fem hundra metrarna, men efter det att jag tagit ett beslut som förmodligen kommer ge min examinator och handledare varsin stroke, började jag äntligen släppa skiten och tänkte på andra, betydligt gemytligare ting. Det var en av de där ovanliga gångerna när min Mp3 spelare såg till att alltid välja en låt som kopplade an till det jag precis tänkte på, mycket underligt och även uppskattat. Helt avslappnad, överlag närvarande och tillfreds, med i huvudsak positiva framtidstankar i huvudet. Var ute i lite drygt en timme. Perfekt.
Tenta på Torsdag, Munta på fredag, Midterminsseminarium nästa onsdag - och jag har bestämt mig för att byta både metod och materialomfång(Stroke). Det ligger på. Men ikväll mår jag bra. Det känns lugnt, stabilt, och allt kommer att lösa sig. Och om det inte gör det, forsätter livet ändå.
Men det är klart det kommer att gå bra.
Det utspridda duggregnet var välkomnande och vinden blåste ljum. Jag gick min vanliga vända runt Flogsta. De fuktiga gatorna blänkte i det gulaktiga skenet från gatlamporna, vattenpussarna skimrade som guld. Lite folk rörde sig på gångvägarna, mest motionärer. Några bilar drog förbi.
Uppsatsen harvade i bakskallen de första fyra-fem hundra metrarna, men efter det att jag tagit ett beslut som förmodligen kommer ge min examinator och handledare varsin stroke, började jag äntligen släppa skiten och tänkte på andra, betydligt gemytligare ting. Det var en av de där ovanliga gångerna när min Mp3 spelare såg till att alltid välja en låt som kopplade an till det jag precis tänkte på, mycket underligt och även uppskattat. Helt avslappnad, överlag närvarande och tillfreds, med i huvudsak positiva framtidstankar i huvudet. Var ute i lite drygt en timme. Perfekt.
Tenta på Torsdag, Munta på fredag, Midterminsseminarium nästa onsdag - och jag har bestämt mig för att byta både metod och materialomfång(Stroke). Det ligger på. Men ikväll mår jag bra. Det känns lugnt, stabilt, och allt kommer att lösa sig. Och om det inte gör det, forsätter livet ändå.
Men det är klart det kommer att gå bra.
lördag 16 oktober 2010
Samhällskritik?
First of all, I just have to give a nod of respect to Thomas Bodström for putting his family before his career. To have a top politician make such a choice sets a valuable precedent in these bitter times. Hat's off, Tommy!
And then we have those chilenian miners who've finally gotten back to the surface. Good going guys, going back down soon? One does wonder if they're not at least thinking about a career change. To be trapped (involuntarily) underground for two months must have put those ideas in their heads.
I must admit that I'm somewhat amused about that one guy who was greeted by both his wife and his mistress when he got brought back up. Imagine his exasperation at that sight of those two next to each other. As it turned out, neither was that upset about it. Well, that figures I guess. If you've been married for 26 years, then you probably know your spouse inside and out, whether s/he realize or not. Rumors state that he has other women as well, tucked away somewhere. His mistress refers to him as a "Superman". Goodness me, at times I think it is hard work to keep one woman's ego sated, and he juggles (at least) three. That's actually quite impressive; providing he isn't (wasn't) being a douche by going behind their backs. If you're going to live in such a way, then at least be honest about it; give the others the chance to make their choice.
This is something I have been pondering over the last few years, this "forced" monogamy that is firmly established in our society. The lack of tolerance within this framework is astounding. Sure, there's been an expansion of what's accepted, mainly concerning sexuality. But the ruling norm is still that of one man-on-one woman; and damn you if you as much as think about something else. Speaking as one who used to propagate this rule in my angrier youth, I now say that it doesn't make much sense. The human creature seems to be one of infinite variation, and in this regard, the ruling norm is insane, since it puts another restraint on the innate potential for a truly diverse society. It is no surprise that the framework is holding up as stiffly as it is, since most of us are brainwashed from birth to think in a certain way. Sure, we all possess the capability of independent thought, but not everyone also possesses the fortitude to speak his/her mind. Perhaps if more of us did, then a greater acceptance could be achieved.
Some parts of the population realize that everything is, in the end, subjective. This means that everyone ought to draw their own lines. Some people are polygamists by nature, just as a few are monogamists, and neither group is better or worse that the other ‒ and therefore it's up to each of us to decide for ourselves what we are and what we consider ok. Communication is paramount in any relationship, but I'd say that it is doubly so in the precarious beginnings of amorous relationships. Nobody wants to get their heart broken and few people delight in hurting others.
So for fucks sake people: Talk to each other; make sure that you're compatible.
torsdag 30 september 2010
Ytterligare ett inlägg
"Målet är inte avsaknad av ångest, utan att faktiskt må bra."
Det medför att man förmodligen behöver definiera vad det faktiskt innebär att må bra, vilket är svårt då det är så förbaskat subjektivt. Men ja, jag skulle vilja att mitt liv kändes roligt att leva, att varje dag var något jag såg fram mot, något som ständigt alstrar ny energi och expansion - kanske till och med att det fanns någon mening med att gå upp varje dag.
I och med att jag inte direkt är den mest kontaktsökande personen har jag rätt kass koll på huruvida folk faktiskt lever de liv de vill leva, än mindre om dessa liv de lever faktiskt ger dem någon känsla av glädje eller lycka när de lägger sig för att sova om kvällarna. Man kan hoppas.
Igår kväll tänkte jag för mig själv att jag skulle ta mig själv tjugo minuter och verkligen sätta mig ned och tänka igenom hur jag skulle vilja att mitt liv såg ut om det var "fulländat" och perfekt. Jag hann inte mer än sätta mig i skräddarställning i sängen och påbörja min meditation innan katten kom in i sovrummet och klättrade upp i sängen och jamade klagande tills jag gav med mig och gick och gav fanskapet mat. Vid det laget var jag alldeles för normalt förbannad för att ens tänka tanken på att ett bra energigivande liv skulle kunna existera varvid det föll åt sidan och idén begravdes under GTNBL.
När, vad, hur - Jé ne sais pas, men jag skulle uppskatta om liv kunde komma i rörelse igen.
Det medför att man förmodligen behöver definiera vad det faktiskt innebär att må bra, vilket är svårt då det är så förbaskat subjektivt. Men ja, jag skulle vilja att mitt liv kändes roligt att leva, att varje dag var något jag såg fram mot, något som ständigt alstrar ny energi och expansion - kanske till och med att det fanns någon mening med att gå upp varje dag.
I och med att jag inte direkt är den mest kontaktsökande personen har jag rätt kass koll på huruvida folk faktiskt lever de liv de vill leva, än mindre om dessa liv de lever faktiskt ger dem någon känsla av glädje eller lycka när de lägger sig för att sova om kvällarna. Man kan hoppas.
Igår kväll tänkte jag för mig själv att jag skulle ta mig själv tjugo minuter och verkligen sätta mig ned och tänka igenom hur jag skulle vilja att mitt liv såg ut om det var "fulländat" och perfekt. Jag hann inte mer än sätta mig i skräddarställning i sängen och påbörja min meditation innan katten kom in i sovrummet och klättrade upp i sängen och jamade klagande tills jag gav med mig och gick och gav fanskapet mat. Vid det laget var jag alldeles för normalt förbannad för att ens tänka tanken på att ett bra energigivande liv skulle kunna existera varvid det föll åt sidan och idén begravdes under GTNBL.
När, vad, hur - Jé ne sais pas, men jag skulle uppskatta om liv kunde komma i rörelse igen.
söndag 12 september 2010
Predators
So I just came back from seeing "Predators" at the movies.
Adequately satisfying, I'd say.
It sits firmly in the "decent" part of the scale, the sort of film one pop into the player when you want to be entertained but don't want to think too much about it.
I'm glad that they've finally been able to hammer a good(ish) film out of the otherwise floundering Predators franchise. I got sequel vibes from the ending, so maybe the next movie will actually be good instead of just good-ish?
Hm. One can hope.
[This post may get updated]
Adequately satisfying, I'd say.
It sits firmly in the "decent" part of the scale, the sort of film one pop into the player when you want to be entertained but don't want to think too much about it.
I'm glad that they've finally been able to hammer a good(ish) film out of the otherwise floundering Predators franchise. I got sequel vibes from the ending, so maybe the next movie will actually be good instead of just good-ish?
Hm. One can hope.
[This post may get updated]
torsdag 26 augusti 2010
Something wise?
This have been a weird week.
The days have gone by, and I barely know what I've done to make them pass. I've worked out, I've gone out running. But other than that. I barely know. Done some therapy-writing, played a lot of KOTOR, watched videos online, felt bad about being alone, felt weird about feeling bad about being alone - Funny that.
I've been sort of overwhelmed by how much time each day contains when one does not have to share that time with someone else. Hours and hours drift by because you can't think of something to do with all that time.
Trust me, the irony, of my earlier statements concerning me not having time for anything, is not lost to me. But when I have had all this time, I've just been sort of... Echoing, repeating old patterns that doesn't fit into the new time-space.
My brain haven't been working properly. A strange sensation, to say the least. Monday - Wednesday were hard since I couldn't think straight. Today this eased up somewhat, and I finally started to break out of the old patterns. It was like I woke up from a dream, or a deep sleepwalk. I came to think about, and remember the mental training - both old and new, that I've accumulated over the years, and started to implement it.
It's so easy to forget.
Oh well, change is good. Makes you face your issues and grow stronger.
The days have gone by, and I barely know what I've done to make them pass. I've worked out, I've gone out running. But other than that. I barely know. Done some therapy-writing, played a lot of KOTOR, watched videos online, felt bad about being alone, felt weird about feeling bad about being alone - Funny that.
I've been sort of overwhelmed by how much time each day contains when one does not have to share that time with someone else. Hours and hours drift by because you can't think of something to do with all that time.
Trust me, the irony, of my earlier statements concerning me not having time for anything, is not lost to me. But when I have had all this time, I've just been sort of... Echoing, repeating old patterns that doesn't fit into the new time-space.
My brain haven't been working properly. A strange sensation, to say the least. Monday - Wednesday were hard since I couldn't think straight. Today this eased up somewhat, and I finally started to break out of the old patterns. It was like I woke up from a dream, or a deep sleepwalk. I came to think about, and remember the mental training - both old and new, that I've accumulated over the years, and started to implement it.
It's so easy to forget.
Oh well, change is good. Makes you face your issues and grow stronger.
tisdag 17 augusti 2010
Cat?
“This is so degrading, no, humiliating, I can't believe that you are making me do this!”
“Hoh? And how do you think I feel? You think I like putting this on you? To have to strap you into that thing and put a leash on you?”
“Tsk, this is so weird. “
“You're telling me – you're not the one talking to your damned cat.”
Maybe this exact scene won't be replicated, but I can almost promise that something like it will. We got a pet cat today. Ah small lovely thing of indiscernible lineage, Hera, named after the roman goddess of home and hearth has now moved in with us. Fitting for an indoors cat, don't you agree? It'll be nice to have a cat around. They're tidy creatures, keep to themselves most of the time and certainly aren't dependent on humans the same way dogs are. But I still prefer dogs. :P
Got word from the studies counselor at the department of Nordic languages, and I'm green to go on my bachelor thesis, and I've decided to write the it, just to get it done.
Bad news on the work application-front. For the longest time I was the only applicant, but as of Friday another five have also applied for the position, and most of them are significantly more qualified than me.
So things are looking a bit dark at the moment. But I'm actually kind of ok with that. I've come to realize that I don't really enjoy working at that place and as such I would probably to a lot better if I tried to get another job – even if it mean joining one of those fucking HR-companies. Academic work i supposed to be one of the good ones I hear.... hurgh, I feel nauseous.
Either way I have faith that things will work out for the best. If I don't get that job, I go free from the a company I think sort of badly of and a workplace that's ok on good days and horribly incompatible with me on bad days. Plus I would get more time to do what I want, keep my social life and hopefully boost my writing career.... But that's hypothetical.
If I DO get it.. then I have a secure income for the upcoming seven months, which would also be terrific... planned/regular income is quite relaxing since it allows for a more flexible budget. But then again.. to keep working at that place.. I don't know. It doesn't feel that attractive. I want something better, more fulfilling, and more rewarding, both in terms of remuneration and psychological well-being.
“If you're looking for a disappointment,
you will find one around every corner”
- Garbage, tell me where it hurts
“Hoh? And how do you think I feel? You think I like putting this on you? To have to strap you into that thing and put a leash on you?”
“Tsk, this is so weird. “
“You're telling me – you're not the one talking to your damned cat.”
Maybe this exact scene won't be replicated, but I can almost promise that something like it will. We got a pet cat today. Ah small lovely thing of indiscernible lineage, Hera, named after the roman goddess of home and hearth has now moved in with us. Fitting for an indoors cat, don't you agree? It'll be nice to have a cat around. They're tidy creatures, keep to themselves most of the time and certainly aren't dependent on humans the same way dogs are. But I still prefer dogs. :P
Got word from the studies counselor at the department of Nordic languages, and I'm green to go on my bachelor thesis, and I've decided to write the it, just to get it done.
Bad news on the work application-front. For the longest time I was the only applicant, but as of Friday another five have also applied for the position, and most of them are significantly more qualified than me.
So things are looking a bit dark at the moment. But I'm actually kind of ok with that. I've come to realize that I don't really enjoy working at that place and as such I would probably to a lot better if I tried to get another job – even if it mean joining one of those fucking HR-companies. Academic work i supposed to be one of the good ones I hear.... hurgh, I feel nauseous.
Either way I have faith that things will work out for the best. If I don't get that job, I go free from the a company I think sort of badly of and a workplace that's ok on good days and horribly incompatible with me on bad days. Plus I would get more time to do what I want, keep my social life and hopefully boost my writing career.... But that's hypothetical.
If I DO get it.. then I have a secure income for the upcoming seven months, which would also be terrific... planned/regular income is quite relaxing since it allows for a more flexible budget. But then again.. to keep working at that place.. I don't know. It doesn't feel that attractive. I want something better, more fulfilling, and more rewarding, both in terms of remuneration and psychological well-being.
“If you're looking for a disappointment,
you will find one around every corner”
- Garbage, tell me where it hurts
lördag 14 augusti 2010
Grand theft normal boring life
I don't like my workshop, my work room, or what the hell I ought to call it. That's a problem. It feels like a prison cell. Small, cramped and gray. I can't concentrate in there. I've been sitting in the living room most of the week, I've actually got some writing done, mostly blogposts, not that any of them will be getting published (yet) since most of them need polish and more critically, endings. The conclusion that I've come to is that it is always better to write even just one word that to leave the paper empty. Old news really, but this time around the meaning sunk in.
It has been a slow, but comfy week. My CoLW (Co-Law Wife, which is the proper English word for “sambo”, our British neighbor Ian told me once) has been away on a charity trip since Tuesday and while I do miss her, it has been nice to get some time on my own. So this coming school year should work out perfectly then?... Maybe.. I have some doubts about it, but let's just wait and see how it goes, shall we?
Speaking of school, I really ought to take care of business with trying to sign up for my bachelor thesis or at least try to sign on some courses for this semester, but I find my will to act lacking. I just can't be arsed to care, and re-entering the academic world isn't that appealing. Too much facade, a lot of air inside. A lot of stale air.. A lot of stale air full of mildewy values. Oh bugger me, I'll get to it eventually – got to study to keep the flat I live in. I'm still having trouble deciding if I should go for the bachelor thesis or try to sign in on Basic English. Both choices are “good”. The bachelor thesis would give me more time to write/read/paint and whatnot, and would probably work seamlessly with the evening-shift job I'm rather certain that I'll get hired for. On the other hand, the English course would be FUN to read, something I'm fairly sure that the Bachelor thesis wouldn't be... D'oh well, Pay your fucking dues. At the time of re-writing (saturday) I'm waiting for a response about the Bachelor thesis. Wait N see.
Work has been kind of slow too. I have been working 06-11 every day. Sweden is still just waking up from its summer-hibernation, so the volumes have not increased that much.. yet. Next week will be a bitch if one believes the forecast. No one does. Oh well, it's a blue-collar-life. The other kids(please note that I refer to the people at work as “the kids” since many of them make me feel like I'm talking to children or at least very young persons.) at work are still kind of apprehensive towards me, which I do understand since I guess that none of them are used to having someone like me around – for good or ill. Other that it might compromise my chance of getting that job I applied for, I don't really care. Streamers find me strange – how surprising.
On the more fun part of life. There's been a considerable upswing in the airsoft-part of my hobbies. I like it. It's fun, it reminds me of when me and my.... friends played war when we were kids, only now we shoot real projectiles at each other. There's a post about airsoft and airsoft play coming up, so I'll just note that I'm putting more of my time into this hobby now.
I spent most of this saturday painting a trollkin champion kithkar. The result feels damn disappointing considering how long I spent painting the thing... But it's mostly metal colors and I've never been good at using those. They're boring and usually look like shit. Thus far it looks decent enough for a gaming piece, but I'm not satisfied with it. Bah. The rest of the unit will probably be a bit more fun since they're not covered in armor in the same way the kithkar is.
The upcoming week promises: a fuckload of work; wrestling academic people for a late admission; separation from my lovely love as she'll start attending her school next sunday; a CQB airsoft game at Tjärnan next saturday.. So... One good thing coming up then.
Swell.
It has been a slow, but comfy week. My CoLW (Co-Law Wife, which is the proper English word for “sambo”, our British neighbor Ian told me once) has been away on a charity trip since Tuesday and while I do miss her, it has been nice to get some time on my own. So this coming school year should work out perfectly then?... Maybe.. I have some doubts about it, but let's just wait and see how it goes, shall we?
Speaking of school, I really ought to take care of business with trying to sign up for my bachelor thesis or at least try to sign on some courses for this semester, but I find my will to act lacking. I just can't be arsed to care, and re-entering the academic world isn't that appealing. Too much facade, a lot of air inside. A lot of stale air.. A lot of stale air full of mildewy values. Oh bugger me, I'll get to it eventually – got to study to keep the flat I live in. I'm still having trouble deciding if I should go for the bachelor thesis or try to sign in on Basic English. Both choices are “good”. The bachelor thesis would give me more time to write/read/paint and whatnot, and would probably work seamlessly with the evening-shift job I'm rather certain that I'll get hired for. On the other hand, the English course would be FUN to read, something I'm fairly sure that the Bachelor thesis wouldn't be... D'oh well, Pay your fucking dues. At the time of re-writing (saturday) I'm waiting for a response about the Bachelor thesis. Wait N see.
Work has been kind of slow too. I have been working 06-11 every day. Sweden is still just waking up from its summer-hibernation, so the volumes have not increased that much.. yet. Next week will be a bitch if one believes the forecast. No one does. Oh well, it's a blue-collar-life. The other kids(please note that I refer to the people at work as “the kids” since many of them make me feel like I'm talking to children or at least very young persons.) at work are still kind of apprehensive towards me, which I do understand since I guess that none of them are used to having someone like me around – for good or ill. Other that it might compromise my chance of getting that job I applied for, I don't really care. Streamers find me strange – how surprising.
On the more fun part of life. There's been a considerable upswing in the airsoft-part of my hobbies. I like it. It's fun, it reminds me of when me and my.... friends played war when we were kids, only now we shoot real projectiles at each other. There's a post about airsoft and airsoft play coming up, so I'll just note that I'm putting more of my time into this hobby now.
I spent most of this saturday painting a trollkin champion kithkar. The result feels damn disappointing considering how long I spent painting the thing... But it's mostly metal colors and I've never been good at using those. They're boring and usually look like shit. Thus far it looks decent enough for a gaming piece, but I'm not satisfied with it. Bah. The rest of the unit will probably be a bit more fun since they're not covered in armor in the same way the kithkar is.
The upcoming week promises: a fuckload of work; wrestling academic people for a late admission; separation from my lovely love as she'll start attending her school next sunday; a CQB airsoft game at Tjärnan next saturday.. So... One good thing coming up then.
Swell.
tisdag 13 april 2010
Done, and done.
So.. There.. I'm Finally done painting the last of Lovefictions HeroQuest gaming pieces. All of them painted, sealed and put away pending packaging. It has been fun, it has at times very frustrating, I've learned a lot, but most important of all - I kept the promise that I would paint them. This promise is the main reason why I didn't scrap the project - my motivation certainly screamed for mercy many times along the way. But I don't break my word, simple as that.
Remember that: People who don't keep their promises aren't worth the air they breathe.
It would be quite a stretch if I said that I’m satisfied with all of them, but plastics don’t allow do-overs, so they get to stay imperfect… On the whole this project have been a failure when one considers the amount of time that have passed since I first got the objects in my hands to when I dusted the final sealant onto them. Other things got in the way, I had to prioritize other things.. I forgot about it completely at times; I started other projects (since I had forgotten about it or because it bored me and I didn’t have a timetable nor heard any complaints – young and stupid? Check. Unprofessional? Absolutely. And no, I’m not proud of it). Then came a time when I felt that I just had to suck it up and get it done. And now it is.
They’re hardly my best work, and I really don’t think that my efforts show on the finished models, which is frustrating since I didn’t take any shortcuts. As I mentioned in an earlier post, it’s difficult to paint poorly detailed models. But they still look (a lot) better now than they did unpainted. No doubt about it.
Now.. Where did I put my airbrush?
Remember that: People who don't keep their promises aren't worth the air they breathe.
It would be quite a stretch if I said that I’m satisfied with all of them, but plastics don’t allow do-overs, so they get to stay imperfect… On the whole this project have been a failure when one considers the amount of time that have passed since I first got the objects in my hands to when I dusted the final sealant onto them. Other things got in the way, I had to prioritize other things.. I forgot about it completely at times; I started other projects (since I had forgotten about it or because it bored me and I didn’t have a timetable nor heard any complaints – young and stupid? Check. Unprofessional? Absolutely. And no, I’m not proud of it). Then came a time when I felt that I just had to suck it up and get it done. And now it is.
They’re hardly my best work, and I really don’t think that my efforts show on the finished models, which is frustrating since I didn’t take any shortcuts. As I mentioned in an earlier post, it’s difficult to paint poorly detailed models. But they still look (a lot) better now than they did unpainted. No doubt about it.
Now.. Where did I put my airbrush?
fredag 26 mars 2010
Gaining ground
I actually made it through an entire evening-long social encounter with normals without feeling like an idiot a single time. Sure, I'm sure that I made people as uncomfortable as I always seem to do - but I didn't feel like an idiot.
It's marvellous what difference a conscious choice of attitude can make.
I've been feeling quite positive today. It's a nice change.
It's marvellous what difference a conscious choice of attitude can make.
I've been feeling quite positive today. It's a nice change.
torsdag 11 mars 2010
A perfect moment
Yesterday afternoon I stood on the sidewalk next to Flogsta radhus and looked out across the valley. There was a few people out, a couple of runners like myself, an older couple walking their dogs and some students biking in towards town. Barely a cloud on the sky, just the sinking sun, bathing everything in it’s golden light. A flight of swans passed overhead, their wings catching the twilight, looking like they were burning. Made me think of the wings of vengeful angels. A warmish breeze blew. My eyes almost watered at the sight and feeling of it all, such a tremendous beauty.
It was – wonderful, it’s the only word I can use to describe it.
A perfect moment. And what’s best of it all. I was alone. Ergo no one else around to take the shine off it, nobody to cheapen it.
Just a moment of stillness and peace, of faith and contentment - a rare gem in these modern times.
It was – wonderful, it’s the only word I can use to describe it.
A perfect moment. And what’s best of it all. I was alone. Ergo no one else around to take the shine off it, nobody to cheapen it.
Just a moment of stillness and peace, of faith and contentment - a rare gem in these modern times.
torsdag 4 mars 2010
Bad habits
Bad writing habits that is. When I started this blog, I had the simple goal of writing three times a week. That didn’t hold up that well, did it? To my defence I could say that last week was hectic and a blooh blooh blooh – nobody wants to hear an excuse, what we want to see is results, nicht wahr? Oh well, I’ll try to be a bit more disciplined and focused for the rest of this week.
Since it is mostly the focus that has let me down this week, I’ve been painting miniatures for Lovefiction, a job that should have been finished a long time ago, but I must confess, I’ve had other priorities. Now the ball is finally rolling again and the minis are coming along… pretty nicely. I had forgotten how difficult it is to paint low-detail miniatures. High-detail minis usually paint themselves to an extent since you can usually use washes (thinned paints) to make the details stand out, but with low detail miniatures one does not have that luxury since it is common that one has to actually paint details that aren’t there. Not that I’ve been that hoity-toity with these, at least not yet. I haven’t really decided how much detail I’m going to paint. On one hand, there’s the “painters pride”-aspect that “demands” that I really do my very best with each and every mini, and on the other hand there’s the “O My Yod, there’s 20-something of them and I’m not even getting paid”-aspect that tells me to just dip them and be done with it. I’ll probably go with more of the first than the latter, but as it is now, it won’t be super-top-notch-work, I need better looking miniatures to feel that the effort is actually worth it. Pride in ones work is one thing, but I’ve got other things to do too.
Currently I’m developing four different ideas, two novels and two short…. Novels I guess. I’m still in the brainstorming stage of all four, but I’m working on it, y’know. I haven’t been that disciplined, have barely written 2 pages, this week, but it’s the first week since my last exam, so I’ve let myself to take it easy and rest for a bit. And paint, of course :D.
Since it is mostly the focus that has let me down this week, I’ve been painting miniatures for Lovefiction, a job that should have been finished a long time ago, but I must confess, I’ve had other priorities. Now the ball is finally rolling again and the minis are coming along… pretty nicely. I had forgotten how difficult it is to paint low-detail miniatures. High-detail minis usually paint themselves to an extent since you can usually use washes (thinned paints) to make the details stand out, but with low detail miniatures one does not have that luxury since it is common that one has to actually paint details that aren’t there. Not that I’ve been that hoity-toity with these, at least not yet. I haven’t really decided how much detail I’m going to paint. On one hand, there’s the “painters pride”-aspect that “demands” that I really do my very best with each and every mini, and on the other hand there’s the “O My Yod, there’s 20-something of them and I’m not even getting paid”-aspect that tells me to just dip them and be done with it. I’ll probably go with more of the first than the latter, but as it is now, it won’t be super-top-notch-work, I need better looking miniatures to feel that the effort is actually worth it. Pride in ones work is one thing, but I’ve got other things to do too.
Currently I’m developing four different ideas, two novels and two short…. Novels I guess. I’m still in the brainstorming stage of all four, but I’m working on it, y’know. I haven’t been that disciplined, have barely written 2 pages, this week, but it’s the first week since my last exam, so I’ve let myself to take it easy and rest for a bit. And paint, of course :D.
måndag 1 mars 2010
No Diamonds
“So maybe I’ll call if I get bored”.
Thanks. A lot. I feel special.
Whatever.
I know – it’s my own fault, expecting too much of people.
Such a…
I can’t help feeling this anger, but really, what’s the point?
Nothing helps.
Thanks. A lot. I feel special.
Whatever.
I know – it’s my own fault, expecting too much of people.
Such a…
I can’t help feeling this anger, but really, what’s the point?
Nothing helps.
tisdag 16 februari 2010
T
"Where's the lesson god?
You're tearing off the wings of all my unprotected dreams - for nothing
I keep holding on." - Mesh, Four walls
Since what else can I do. Reality bites.
"They live challenging lives, and they wouldn't have it any other way!"
True, to a point, I guess. I don't believe in giving up. Never has. I've always thought that if you want something, "all" you have to do is to work towards what you want with unflinching determination. Achievement is just an effort away.
It's a simple, undeniable truth. But things are rarely that easy, are they? There's always something or someone to consider. Always something that gets in the way.
Life gets in the way of life.
You're tearing off the wings of all my unprotected dreams - for nothing
I keep holding on." - Mesh, Four walls
Since what else can I do. Reality bites.
"They live challenging lives, and they wouldn't have it any other way!"
True, to a point, I guess. I don't believe in giving up. Never has. I've always thought that if you want something, "all" you have to do is to work towards what you want with unflinching determination. Achievement is just an effort away.
It's a simple, undeniable truth. But things are rarely that easy, are they? There's always something or someone to consider. Always something that gets in the way.
Life gets in the way of life.
söndag 14 februari 2010
Nystart.
Och så har man plötsligt tagit första steget ut i bloggandets värld, även om jag hellre skulle kalla min blogg för min "online-journal" men låt oss inte hymla och istället kalla tingen för vad de egentligen är. Här är det första jag skriver i min BLOGG.
I usually write in english since it helps me think, but my posts will be in whatever language I feel like using at that particular time - Though most of them will be in either swedish or english. There might be some german and Latin popping up here and there, but don't expect any essays in those last two.
Who am I? I'm a 24 year old man who's currently studying to become a teacher in Swedish and English. I live in Uppsala with my girlfriend and I enjoy.... *Sigh* One thing I don't really enjoy is to write long presentations, especially of myself. If you want to know who I am and what I'm about: just stick around and maybe you'll figure it out - eventually.
So, I'll be back. It's my ambition to post a couple of times a week, maybe more, maybe less, depending on the usual stuff.
I usually write in english since it helps me think, but my posts will be in whatever language I feel like using at that particular time - Though most of them will be in either swedish or english. There might be some german and Latin popping up here and there, but don't expect any essays in those last two.
Who am I? I'm a 24 year old man who's currently studying to become a teacher in Swedish and English. I live in Uppsala with my girlfriend and I enjoy.... *Sigh* One thing I don't really enjoy is to write long presentations, especially of myself. If you want to know who I am and what I'm about: just stick around and maybe you'll figure it out - eventually.
So, I'll be back. It's my ambition to post a couple of times a week, maybe more, maybe less, depending on the usual stuff.
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